Music, Thoughts

Mood: All over the place

F**k this world, I’m leaving
Sick of watching people taking
From the bottom to feed the top

F**k this world, it’s dying
‘Cause you people keep on lying
Power gets, power drips on down

That’s why I’m covered in stars
Drawing a map with my scars
Gravity can’t pull us apart
Let’s start a new life on mars
Forget it, let’s get f**ked up
F**k this world I’m leaving you

Feeling like it would nice to be able to escape to a deserted island with a few of the people I care about most and just shutting out the rest of the world. In the meantime, this is one of the songs I’ll be listening to on repeat while I work through all of these emotions that I’m feeling.

Thoughts

Racism and Colorism: My Thoughts

The past few months have been exhausting. The past week or so has been even worse. The fact that we are still having to argue about why a human life should matter regardless of the color of their skin is old and tiring but still relevant today. No one is denying the fact that everyone matters and all lives are important but are you so blinded by your ancestors hatred that you can’t understand that what is happening to Black people is important? No one is saying that one race is more important than the other. What we’re saying is that YOU CAN’T say that everyone is important UNTIL Black people are held to the SAME STANDARD as White people and are made to feel just as important! If you can’t understand that concept at this point then it means that you don’t want to. The truth of the matter is that you are afraid that your privilege is being attacked. We will no longer stand for this! If you feel that what happened to George Floyd is wrong but are only speaking about the looting that is going on and how the protesters shouldn’t be violent, then please take a second to recognize that you are part of the problem. No one is saying that any of these things is right and that the deaths of cops or anyone else is right. But if you can understand that the death of an innocent life or even that of one who isn’t innocent but was killed before they could even have a chance to be proven innocent or guilty, then why can’t you understand it when people continue to say that Black Lives Matter? It’s okay to be FOR cops but still want them to be held accountable for their actions. They are supposed to serve and protect the people but are abusing their power. Please also don’t misunderstand and think that when we say Black Lives Matter that we don’t care about White people or other POC who have been wrongfully killed by police brutality. This is our battle too! We care about all lives more than you care to think because EVERYONE is being included. Black people are not the only ones being senselessly killed but they are the majority. I also say “we” because I am a POC and this is my fight too. I have been seeing so many people say that White people are being killed by police brutality as well but I don’t see those people actually joining us in trying to do something about it. Believe it or not, this movement is for you too! Police have been abusing their power for years and getting away with it and it needs to end.

I want to also speak on us Hispanics who are also part of the problem. Just because your European roots are strong, doesn’t mean that you didn’t come from Black people. We are a mixed people and we have African descent within us. Let’s not continue to pretend that racism and colorism don’t exist within our community. It’s so sad to think that even in your own community, people can judge you because of the color of your skin. I am not white but because of the color of my skin I am most certainly privileged and if your complexion is similar to mine, then you have privilege too. We have years and years of deeply rooted hatred for our dark skinned and brown skinned people. OUR PEOPLE. It has to end. It makes me wonder if we are worse than racist White people because we are POC and still perpetuating hate. We experience racism from White people who think we are less than and tell us to go back to where we belong but we still choose to go out and spread that exact same hatred onto our Black brother’s and sisters. We need to start educating our mother’s and father’s and their parents about their own culture and stop this hatred because IT STARTS WITH US! Just because it has been passed on to us throughout generations to hate ourselves because of having darker skin or curly hair, doesn’t mean we can’t grow and learn to embrace it. If you aren’t standing with this movement and saying Black Lives Matter then you are part of the problem and you need to fix it. I was raised by ignorance but even while I was still young, chose to educate myself and be better and not take part in that ignorance. It’s not impossible to change and be better human beings. You don’t have to understand or experience the struggle to know that it exists and it’s time that we start standing up and start educating the source from where this hatred comes from.

With that being said, unfortunately, there are those who don’t want to learn or be taught no matter what we do or say. It doesn’t matter what images they see on social media or on the news or the truths that are being given to them. They simply choose to ignore it because they have the privilege to continue on with their lives and are able to continue living in peace. I will never understand why someone would feel so threatened by someone because of the color of their skin. I will never understand why people could wish death upon someone or feel that someone is beneath them because of the color of their skin. It’s infuriating and exhausting to think about but this is the world that we live in. These are the problems our country and our world have been facing for years and years. I truly hope and believe that we will see change. Silence is being complicit because it’s what we’ve been doing for all of these years and it’s why we’re here now. I will keep speaking out and I will no longer remain silent. If you just so happen to read this then I hope you choose to speak out as well, and if you have been, I hope you keep that momentum and keep pushing forward.

Click here for a list of resources that I have compiled for ways that you can help. Stay strong!

Thoughts

Happy International Women’s Day!

As women we have the power to change so many things in life and too often we forget just how powerful we are. There are so many struggles that we face each day but we still get up and keep moving forward no matter what the circumstances are.

If no one told you this today.. please know that you are beautiful! You have a purpose in life even if you have not discovered it yet. Don’t stop dreaming and continue to follow your heart and work towards reaching your goals because you will make it some day.

Today is our day queens! Treat yourself to that bag you’ve been wanting. Go on a shopping spree or treat yourself to your favorite meal. Poor up your favorite glass of wine, sit back and relax and enjoy this beautiful day.

Poem in the photo is from I Am More Than a Daydream by Jennae Cecelia.
Relationship

Four Happy Years and Many More to Come

Today marks four years of us being together and what a ride it has been! From moving into our first apartment together, to buying our first house and then getting engaged! It has been nothing short of amazing and I wouldn’t have wanted to share these experiences with anyone else in my life.

My fiance, Joshua, and I met at work one evening. I had been there for about a year now and he was just starting out. I remember seeing him walking in a few times before actually meeting him and hoping that I would get to train him. There was just something about him that drew me in. He is just the type of person who will walk into a room and you just can’t help but notice them. So, that day I got lucky and was told that I would be training him. I definitely smiled to myself a little. I remember being the happiest I had been in a long time that day. It was a pretty slow night and we ended up talking a lot and getting to know each other and that’s how it all started. I got to train him a lot after that. When he was finally on his own he gave me his number and we started to text each other. We texted every single day for an entire year! We became best friends and would tell each other about everything and ended up together not long after that. It’s crazy how someone can walk into your life when you least expect it and completely change your world.

Being in a relationship with your best friend is something I thought that I would never get to experience. My childhood and teenage years were rough and I was a broken soul who didn’t have much self esteem for a long time. I come from a life where growing up you didn’t really have any examples of what a good relationship was supposed to look like. I wasn’t really sure what love was supposed to look or feel like from a significant other which really made it hard for me to value myself and what I deserved. I am lucky enough to say that I’ve found the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I have definitely learned so much from our relationship and have grown so much as a person because of it. You never really understand how much the trauma from your past can effect you until you meet someone who can challenge you to be better. I mean that in the best way possible. There were so many things that I never knew about myself that I needed to work on. We all have our flaws but when you meet someone who just comes along and loves you and all of your flaws and then helps you fix them. Not because he feels like you need to change but because he wants to help you be the best version of yourself you can be. It’s amazing.

To Joshua – Thank you for all of the love you’ve shown me ever since the first day that I met you. Not a day has gone by where i haven’t been reminded and i’m so grateful to have you. I love you with all of my heart and soul and I can’t wait to see where this life continues to take us. You always know how to make me feel so special and I truly appreciate all of the little things (and the big things) that you do for me. I never have to want or need for anything and go without. You’re always by my side no matter what it is that i’m going through, big or small. You are a blessing to me and I am so happy and grateful to be able to call you my fiance.

Happy Anniversary!

Movies

Joker – My Thoughts (No Spoilers)

The Joker is my fiance’s favorite DC villian. He has been highly anticipating this movie, so of course we had to go on opening night. I didn’t know what to expect and I was really excited to see this side of the Joker being portrayed since I’m not very familiar with this story line. Joaquin Phoenix’s acting was truly AMAZING and this movie/story had me thinking about it even hours after it was already over.

One of my favorite scenes in the movie (credit to the owner)

I read a couple of articles that state that the movie has no message, no story, and that maybe if it did it would be easier to defend but I think some are missing the point. Now this is my take and we can all agree to disagree but from the beginning I thought this was going to be an art piece. Something to make you think, and that’s exactly what it does if you have an open mind. I think that this movie portrays some of the things that are wrong with people and society today.

To give some background into the movie, this portrayal of the Joker shows him having a mental illness. Throughout the movie Arthur Fleck (Joker) is a victim to society. He gets bullied and beaten among many other things, all while just trying to survive living in poverty. The whole premise of this story is to give insight and backstory as to why the Joker is the villian that he is today. It goes without saying that senseless violence is wrong and there are no excuses for that but of course the Joker is a fictional character and should be treated as such.

Coming back to the topic of mental illness (along with depression), it is very much real and a lot of us deal with the struggles every single day of our lives. Some of us have a better grasp on it than others and in the case of Arthur Fleck, he was dealing with life one day at a time but it was only just a matter of time.

“The worst part of having a mental illness is people expect you to behave as if you don’t”

Arthur Fleck (Joker)

The one message that I got from this movie is one that has been out there for quite some time but the problem today is that many people don’t care unless they are the ones going through it. That message is that you never know what someone else is going through. Sometimes it’s only just a matter of time and for the Joker, in this movie, the chain of events that he went through was the last straw. That doesn’t mean of course that we should all go around turning into the Joker and killing people because we’re having a bad day but you truly just never know the mind state that people are in. Arthur Fleck never knew happiness in his life. There are real life people facing those struggles today! Some of those people are able to get the necessary help that they need, others are not as fortunate. Arthur was seeking help and taking medication but unfortunately the system failed him and from that point on everything began to spiral and he had reached a turning point.

There are a lot more topics that can be discussed but for the sake of not spoiling the movie that’s all i’m going to touch base on. With that being said, if you’re looking for actual comedy or your typical DC Universe movie setting (based off of my experience) then you probably won’t like this movie very much. This is less super hero vs. villian and more struggles of an ordinary (but troubled) man turned villian. I think you’ll have a better understanding of the story if you keep that in mind.