I’ve been doing a lot of self reflection lately and going through a really emotional time in my life and just like when I was younger i’ve come back to this song. Growing up I didn’t have anyone who was there for me or supporting me. Some days were harder than others and on those days, I would stay up late at night just writing and listening to music. I spent so many nights listening to this song and just thinking about life and wishing that I had someone to help me get through it all but realizing that I really didn’t need anyone. This song helped teach me that I was enough and that I was strong enough to face any obstacles that came my way. It taught me that sometimes you really are alone but you can still make it anyway. That’s such a harsh lesson for a young girl to have to learn but It made me into the women that I am today. Sometimes we need a reminder that we can do bad all by ourselves and this has been serving as my reminder.
Category: Thoughts
One Sided Friendships
Have you ever been the friend that helps everyone but is the one who is always getting left out? Have you ever been the type of friend who gets excited about something but never has anyone to tell things to because no one ever really seems to care about said thing as much as you? Maybe you’re the friend who helps others to reach their goals or pursue their dreams but when you are reaching for yours no one is around. In other words, maybe you are the friend that people always seem to take for granted. I consistently find myself being that friend. I sometimes wonder whether it’s on purpose or if I’m just so unnoticeable that no one ever really seems to realize how they make me feel. The problem with that is that I always notice those people or “friends” giving other people that same respect and attention. What’s really the difference? There are also friends who do appreciate what you do for them but still overlook you and your feelings when you need the same support in return. I don’t think it’s always on purpose but it’s also not an excuse. We can always do better and be better. I don’t ever do things for people to receive anything in return. I don’t show support for that reason either. I’m just the person who growing up never had anyone there for me or to support me and I don’t like others to feel the same way. Unfortunately, I always find myself in that same position even in adulthood.
The funny thing is, I am always seeing people post memes or quotes about supporting your friends and keeping friends around who do the same but.. they don’t practice what they preach. Does that make them bad people? Absolutely not, but if you are that aware of being respectful and being a good friend, why doesn’t it show in your actions towards everyone? They say you shouldn’t live with expectations or you will have regrets but what if you don’t even expect anything at all? It’s just as hurtful, if not worse, to stumble across posts of friends supporting other strangers that they don’t even know but don’t give you the same love and care. It makes you feel less than, like you don’t matter to them. I can’t help but wonder if I really do.
It doesn’t cost a dime to be a decent, loving, caring human being. I understand everyone has their own struggles and problems because I know I sure do but If I can take the time to consider your feelings then you can certainly take the time to consider mine. Respect always goes both ways. No one owes anyone anything but if we all learned how to be a little kinder to everyone, not just when it matters, then maybe the world we live in now could be a much kinder one to us all.
The new Myspace?
Were you ever obsessed with Myspace when you were younger? I was! I spent hours and hours trying to have the perfect layout and even made my own. Customizing the about me section with catchy phrases, scrolling text and glitter graphics. Myspace literally had us learning html just to make our profile look extra cute. Well, it’s back! Kinda.. Instead it’s called Friend Project but it has all of the customization options, graphics and features that we loved about Myspace. So of course I had to make one! I’m not even sure if it will catch on or die out like it did in the past but I am living for the nostalgia! Will you be making one?
Mood: All over the place
F**k this world, I’m leaving
Sick of watching people taking
From the bottom to feed the topF**k this world, it’s dying
‘Cause you people keep on lying
Power gets, power drips on downThat’s why I’m covered in stars
Drawing a map with my scars
Gravity can’t pull us apart
Let’s start a new life on mars
Forget it, let’s get f**ked up
F**k this world I’m leaving you
Feeling like it would nice to be able to escape to a deserted island with a few of the people I care about most and just shutting out the rest of the world. In the meantime, this is one of the songs I’ll be listening to on repeat while I work through all of these emotions that I’m feeling.
Racism and Colorism: My Thoughts
The past few months have been exhausting. The past week or so has been even worse. The fact that we are still having to argue about why a human life should matter regardless of the color of their skin is old and tiring but still relevant today. No one is denying the fact that everyone matters and all lives are important but are you so blinded by your ancestors hatred that you can’t understand that what is happening to Black people is important? No one is saying that one race is more important than the other. What we’re saying is that YOU CAN’T say that everyone is important UNTIL Black people are held to the SAME STANDARD as White people and are made to feel just as important! If you can’t understand that concept at this point then it means that you don’t want to. The truth of the matter is that you are afraid that your privilege is being attacked. We will no longer stand for this! If you feel that what happened to George Floyd is wrong but are only speaking about the looting that is going on and how the protesters shouldn’t be violent, then please take a second to recognize that you are part of the problem. No one is saying that any of these things is right and that the deaths of cops or anyone else is right. But if you can understand that the death of an innocent life or even that of one who isn’t innocent but was killed before they could even have a chance to be proven innocent or guilty, then why can’t you understand it when people continue to say that Black Lives Matter? It’s okay to be FOR cops but still want them to be held accountable for their actions. They are supposed to serve and protect the people but are abusing their power. Please also don’t misunderstand and think that when we say Black Lives Matter that we don’t care about White people or other POC who have been wrongfully killed by police brutality. This is our battle too! We care about all lives more than you care to think because EVERYONE is being included. Black people are not the only ones being senselessly killed but they are the majority. I also say “we” because I am a POC and this is my fight too. I have been seeing so many people say that White people are being killed by police brutality as well but I don’t see those people actually joining us in trying to do something about it. Believe it or not, this movement is for you too! Police have been abusing their power for years and getting away with it and it needs to end.
I want to also speak on us Hispanics who are also part of the problem. Just because your European roots are strong, doesn’t mean that you didn’t come from Black people. We are a mixed people and we have African descent within us. Let’s not continue to pretend that racism and colorism don’t exist within our community. It’s so sad to think that even in your own community, people can judge you because of the color of your skin. I am not white but because of the color of my skin I am most certainly privileged and if your complexion is similar to mine, then you have privilege too. We have years and years of deeply rooted hatred for our dark skinned and brown skinned people. OUR PEOPLE. It has to end. It makes me wonder if we are worse than racist White people because we are POC and still perpetuating hate. We experience racism from White people who think we are less than and tell us to go back to where we belong but we still choose to go out and spread that exact same hatred onto our Black brother’s and sisters. We need to start educating our mother’s and father’s and their parents about their own culture and stop this hatred because IT STARTS WITH US! Just because it has been passed on to us throughout generations to hate ourselves because of having darker skin or curly hair, doesn’t mean we can’t grow and learn to embrace it. If you aren’t standing with this movement and saying Black Lives Matter then you are part of the problem and you need to fix it. I was raised by ignorance but even while I was still young, chose to educate myself and be better and not take part in that ignorance. It’s not impossible to change and be better human beings. You don’t have to understand or experience the struggle to know that it exists and it’s time that we start standing up and start educating the source from where this hatred comes from.
With that being said, unfortunately, there are those who don’t want to learn or be taught no matter what we do or say. It doesn’t matter what images they see on social media or on the news or the truths that are being given to them. They simply choose to ignore it because they have the privilege to continue on with their lives and are able to continue living in peace. I will never understand why someone would feel so threatened by someone because of the color of their skin. I will never understand why people could wish death upon someone or feel that someone is beneath them because of the color of their skin. It’s infuriating and exhausting to think about but this is the world that we live in. These are the problems our country and our world have been facing for years and years. I truly hope and believe that we will see change. Silence is being complicit because it’s what we’ve been doing for all of these years and it’s why we’re here now. I will keep speaking out and I will no longer remain silent. If you just so happen to read this then I hope you choose to speak out as well, and if you have been, I hope you keep that momentum and keep pushing forward.
Click here for a list of resources that I have compiled for ways that you can help. Stay strong!
Happy International Women’s Day!
As women we have the power to change so many things in life and too often we forget just how powerful we are. There are so many struggles that we face each day but we still get up and keep moving forward no matter what the circumstances are.
If no one told you this today.. please know that you are beautiful! You have a purpose in life even if you have not discovered it yet. Don’t stop dreaming and continue to follow your heart and work towards reaching your goals because you will make it some day.
Today is our day queens! Treat yourself to that bag you’ve been wanting. Go on a shopping spree or treat yourself to your favorite meal. Poor up your favorite glass of wine, sit back and relax and enjoy this beautiful day.
Poem in the photo is from I Am More Than a Daydream by Jennae Cecelia.
